At this time we are in Mercury retrograde, during the time of Aquarius, poised right before the moment of Imbolc. Societal collapse shows more clearly all the time where I am in northern Las Vegas, but so do all the more pleasant distractions. Right now, one of my witchy sisters is on the road, headed to points south and eventually landing sometime this evening at the Goddess temple. I will be seeing her tomorrow. The second sister arrives on Friday, and the three of us will do Mysterium this weekend.
Because it is so enigmatic an attempt will now be made to explain as fully as possible in what sense it acts as an inspiration to the alchemist. The symbol is a woman pouring out the contents of an urn. This might seem an unlikely symbol for an air sign. The explanation is this: the contents of the um represent irradiation, the etheric forces of nature which are fully active underground.
-- GOLD OF A THOUSAND MORNINGS, Armand Barbault, 1969, translated from the French by Robin Campbell 1975.
Although this is the time of the gathering of the First Matter, here in the desert, there's no gathering of morning dew like there might be elsewhere. I will be doing that work in the Inner realm this season, where raw lead seems to be in abundance. The Air of Earth is radiation: that reminds me of Art Kunkin's work with the Philosopher's Stone, and his irradiating pears with pitch-blend and eating them.
Last year I learned that the material you use to collect the dew is important, for if you use a metal or wooden bowl, the dew will be instantly attuned to either the Metal or Plant Kingdoms if caught in these, and so I had to switch to ceramic or glass. If we get any more significant rain here, I may put out a vessel and catch some, because you can't get much more rare in energy than Las Vegas rain water, I figure. One of those really windy, rainy days would be rather potent.
My Vigil of the Eye has made some things very clear at this point. Once again, I find myself orienting from what doesn't work for me. I think it's about time I stop letting others tell me that I'm a negative person just because I look for the bad and move away from it instead of looking for the good and moving towards it, like most humans seem to do. As much as I share a lot of individual strands of different values with the Vortex community, nothing 'Vortex' connects back to my life in Seattle. Meaning, aside from anything that is directly me, no humans here maintain any awareness of or connection to my life outside of Las Vegas. While there are people whose lives and existences I care about when I am not in Las Vegas with them, I do not find that sentiment comes back the other way to Seattle. Truly, it does not. People like when I'm here, but it's not essential, they aren't bothered one way or the other if I'm here or not... and I've decided that's not serving me. If I'm going to put effort into a spiritual community, I want to feel like they care that I'm part of the community. I want them to care what I do in the community, and how I do it.
And just as I was reading about how some people are rejecting being "makers" because it devalues those humans who are not, this community puts an extremely high value on Performers. I am a not a Performer in any of the ways that this community values them, and I have been aware of that devaluation for a long time.
There's also something about this community, and how it clings to older power structures, the "old boy" network. I had been thinking about it last year, and then there was a beautiful man who spoke to how he was really struck by how women are missing from leadership roles at the Illumination afterglow, and that locked right in with a quote I had read the week before, and now I find all these months later I'm not the only woman with whom that idea has been fermenting. I suspect there are a group of us (of all genders and roles) who have sort of stepped up at fire circles over the years, or been groomed to take over certain tasks, and it's becoming clear that while we don't mind inheriting the fire circle tradition, we aren't about to take on every last little facet of the tradition, especially the ones we know are are "-ist" or an "-ism."
I put in presentation proposals to an event the last weekend in July. If I get accepted, I will not be attending Illumination. Overall, I did not enjoy the expanded Fall Fest/Bonedance event this past October and as much as I am now the Vortex registrar, I don't see attending that event as being something that serves me. Especially as that now is in direct time conflict with my saffron harvest. Packaging up my saffron to give as gifts, I realized how much I had really been anticipating the harvest and all that activity myself. I willingly missed the harvest of my first real saffron crop and, after the fact, that bums me out.
The approach of Imbolc certainly has revealed some interesting mental seeds. In my alchemical interpretation of the Wheel of the Year, this is the time of Dissolution. Time to dissolve all in water, and wash away disillusion.