As I begin this blog entry in an only-hours-old wake of my first Emerald City Comicon, I have the clear sense of having been inside an energetic crucible, but one which is of a different form than my other communities/peoples. Having chosen to volunteer part-time to qualify for a full-weekend badge made for things being busy but good. It took as much daytime energy as a night fire circle, except my circles are about 150 tops and this was over 70,000.
Apparently one thing I did successfully that hardly anyone else (if at all) managed was to get my non-legal/magickal name on my badge. I don't know what made another Minion ask me if Rae du Soleil was my legal name, but when I said no, they were envious. At no point in the volunteer process did anyone ask me to show them legal ID, so... I used the name I always use at events and festivals.
- I search in the water here.
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The air should give me
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I search in the earth
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The fires should become for me
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Something here, you fools, here in the water, air and earths.
In the fire, shall you busily search.
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All here suddenly becomes.
I was running a bath Monday morning, as much of my body felt like I took a beating instead of giving out hundreds of stickers to children, and I was struck with a visualization of all my names. Relache, the first "other" name, is Albedo. When I took it on and where I used it I was exploring and experimenting and dissolving. I stretched out, I explored little bits, I softened a lot of things. Rae du Soleil, the name I was given by someone who is an Elder and mentor to me, is Rubedo. When I get into her space and hold it just right, RdS is gold. This last year has been a grind, being in my own head a lot, bumping and crashing about in the Nigredo. But what came out of the dark eventually was a gender presence and maybe a name. I don't think this part of myself is the Nigredo, I think that's the me that's connected to my birth name. I'm pretty sure what I've found is the Peacock's Tail inside me. My own blue spark. I think. I have that sense of a lack of perspective from knowing you can't really see what's happening to you from your own viewpoint. I think I got my work for out at the Temple this year framed out for me.
And from there, we have to do a complete reversal from deep inside my own navel to out where all is just ephemera and oh so shiny.... CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER OPENS ON THURSDAY AND WE HAVE TICKETS FOR AN 8PM SHOWING. (wipes down keyboard and screen...sorry) I've un-tracked more tags in the last two weeks than I can count. I think a home showing of Cap 1 and Avengers that day is required. We've nearly got Stasi and Zella in order, so any coherence that K and I have after our cinematic climax this weekend will go towards those two. VMB in Portland on the 12th. Holy crap, how did THAT get here so fast? There will also be an H.P. Lovecraft Film Festival and CthulhuCon that same weekend. I learned that from a t-shirt being worn by a guy I met for three minutes in round two of Sci-Fi Speed Dating. I should get some boxes and see what books need to go to Powell's this round. Let the distillation continue on that front.